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happy thoughts
almost a year and nothing's changed but everything

i feel undone
i want to sleep forever and wake up
and find out things got better

it's not really bad but

i had hoped, yes, i had hoped for more
and now
now i feel so insignificant
so second best

i was okay with it the first time
but over a year
you became so much to me
and i watched

i wanted

and i watched you
find something
and now now it's not just one
but now

i'm all the less there

and its harder to feel what you say
i know you aren't lying
but it's been a year
and nothing changed

and i feel like that changed everything
i'm undone

if you felt what i feel
what would you think
would it scare you away
would it do anything

i don't mean to hurt
but you hurt
you don't mean to hurt
but you hurt

and i'm burying my heart within this fire
i won't stop loving you
but i can't expect anything
to be fair

i had hoped
i really hoped for more

i'm okay loving you
i'm okay with this state of things

i'm not number one
i'm there for you
only when you need me

if i withered away
what would it do?
what good is this if

and i don't know
it doesn't mean others are right
and what we have is a joke
we have something so pure

maybe i held it too dearly
cradled it in my chest
my cave
filled myself to the brim

and hoped
yes i hoped for more

i love you
please don't hurt me


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